Making The Case For The Family
Recently, I finished reading a book called “Sapiens, A Brief History of Humankind”. I can completely understand why It’s so popular. By writing this book, the author Mr. Yuval Noah Harari simply took a mirror and put it in front of humanity’s face, showing us not only how we have evolved as a species, but how beautiful and ugly we are at the same time. Of all the aspects that Mr. Harari touched upon, one particularly stood out to me; It’s what he calls “The collapse of the family and the community”.
Now, that is a particularly bombastic claim. Many of us are fortunate enough to live in happy families with loving parents and siblings, so why should we feel that the traditional family is collapsing? Looking closely, Mr. Harari is right. The traditional family used to serve many purposes. Looking for a job? You would usually work in the family business, or your extended family’s business. News about the outside world came from a visiting relative. If you got sick, you would consult your grandparents for a remedy. The family served as a main source for one’s education, welfare, money and even protection. “When a person fell sick, the family took care of her. When the person grew old, the family supported her.” (Harari, 2014).
Mr. Harari claims that most of these duties, if not all of them, have been handed over to the state and the markets. Let’s take a look at our modern world for a second. A person can join any business around the world, provided he or she has the right qualifications and so on. The markets and economy are the engine that makes this possible, not ones father or mother. News is so accessible that any information from around the world can be found in seconds, completely disconnected from what the potential visiting relative would say. This is provided by the market, not the family. If one needs medicine, he would consult a GP, or look it up on the internet, and buy it in a pharmacy which is provided by the state.
Handing over the family duties to the state and the markets has given humankind immense individual freedoms. One can now marry whoever they want, live wherever they want and work wherever they want, even if that means missing the family dinner. On the flip side, this revolution has made humankind very individualistic.
At an increasing and alarming rate, we hear more stories about people preferring to be alone, claiming that starting a family is too expensive, too unimportant or even just too much of a hassle. Loneliness is becoming an ever more present problem, particularly in developed societies and countries. As a society, we are so focused on our careers and “becoming successful” that we are forgetting a hugely important aspects of what fundamentally makes us human. Humans are social animals. Ever since our hunter – gatherer origins, we lived in packs, and took care of each other. Being alone and focusing solely on our jobs is in direct contradiction to how our brains are wired. Can one truly call himself “successful” if he doesn’t have a significant other to share this success with?
Having been so fortunate as to travel to the very far corners of the globe, and to see many different family models, I have come to the conclusion that It’s time for the traditional family to make a comeback. There is a formula where one can have a strong family, without giving up on his or her individual rights and privileges. When I went to Germany (a few months ago at the time of this writing) I was hosted by my best friend whom I met during my masters degree in London. He is blessed to have a large and well rooted family, all in good relations to one another. His parents, his eight siblings and himself each have their own lives, desires and in some cases, careers. Most of them don’t work in the family business, and those who do usually focus on different roles within it. However, each one of them is also totally up to date with what the other is doing. This benefits them during work, as they call each other for help almost constantly, and also for becoming more rounded individuals. Each one of them contributes their knowledge, experience and wisdom to the other, and adding them all together makes them much more rounded individuals. Here is a case of a family actually helping the individual, without any opportunity costs on their individual desires.
For many, the family serves an intimate purpose. When you are sad, you call your parents or wife for example. However what our modern societies seem to be ignoring is how much a family can make an individual better at what he or she does. A family, wether it’s parents, siblings or partners, is irreplaceable. It is the only human relationship that is not based off of interest, and can be relied upon blindly. For me, it is a complete certainty that a strong family will make me a better individual, including my career, and no matter where I am. If our societies collectively focused on bringing some duties back to the family from the state, we will not only improve dramatically as individuals, but actually make stronger states as a result.
